Caregiver Certification eases fears

I remember hearing a family member tell me that leaving their mom with a new caregiver and walking out the door to go to their own home reminded her of leaving her child at day care for the very first time.

It’s scary. It means trusting someone you don’t know well to care for someone you love and feel responsible for.

Your stomach churns and there’s a sick feeling deep down. Your mind circles around the fear: what if the caregiver doesn’t listen to her? What if she speaks sharply to her, or is rough with her?

You worry if she really has the skills and knowledge to provide the care your mother needs, and the judgment to know what to do if something awful happens (a fall? wandering off?).

You wonder if your mom will ever forgive you for not caring for her yourself; for turning to strangers to provide care.

There’s no easy way to get past these initial feelings when you place your precious loved one (parent or child) in the care of someone else.

Here’s one idea, though, that’s gaining a lot of traction nationally: make sure that the caregiver has solid, formal training with a certification to show for it.

That’s a tough requirement, since most states don’t require caregiver certification, and many areas don’t even have classes to certify caregivers. It’s a fast-growing field for training however, and new online courses make certification available to anyone with an internet connection. Ask – and expect – anyone who provides caregiving to your loved one to be appropriately certified.

It might not take away the initial “first day” jitters, but it will give you a sense that you’ve taken one more step to ensure the safety and care of your loved one.

Online caregiver certification courses are available from a variety of sources, including our newly launched Personal Care Certification course from the Institute for Professional Care Education (www.ipced.com). For details, go to our website or call us toll free at 877-843-8374.

Caregiver love means laughter instead of tears

I’ve got 30 minutes until my next appointment and I need to buy a sweater. There’s only one person working the cash register, but the line is short so I should be OK.

In front of me are a middle aged woman and an elderly woman, probably her mother. They’ve got an arm full of items, but the cashier is working quickly, ringing each item up and folding it carefully.

The elderly woman hands a card to the cashier, who suddenly stops. She looks up at the woman and says, in a loud, slow voice, “This is your insurance card. Do you have any card that has a VISA or MASTERCARD written on it – down here in the corner like this?”

The woman looks through her wallet anxiously. I’m getting nervous for her (and checking my watch). She pulls out a few more cards: her social security card, a membership card, a Costco card. No credit card.

She glances up at her daughter with her head lowered and her eyes downcast. Their eyes connect. I wait for the blame to start: “Mom, what were you thinking?! How could you come shopping without your credit card?”

Instead, they both burst out laughing. The daughter quickly hands over her own credit card and the crisis passes.

For that moment, I forget all about my next appointment. All I can see is the warmth, love and patience that I have been privileged to witness.

Maybe the mom has a touch of memory loss. She might have Alzheimer’s disease and significant impairment. Her daughter clearly has spent the afternoon shopping with her, and clearly expects mom to pay for her purchases. It could have been one of those moments where caregiver stress maxes out the meter. The daughter could have simply lost her temper, and the mother ended up in tears.

Instead, they both end up laughing so hard there are tears in their eyes. They see the humor of the “senior moment,” and – instantly – the tension is gone.

Maybe they know, like so many other caregivers, that sometimes you’ve just got to laugh - or you might never stop crying.

Celebrate Family Caregiving

Here are two things you need to know: First, this is National Family Caregiver’s Month and second, if you’re not a caregiver now, you’ve either been a caregiver in the past or will likely become one in the future.

My conclusion? We should all celebrate this month together, since we’re all in this together.

You might think, “What’s to celebrate about caregiving? Isn’t that just an awful task?”

Here’s what family caregivers tell me, over and over again: “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was also, in the end, the most wonderful thing I’ve ever done.”

Mind you, most family caregivers don’t feel this way while they’re in the middle of caregiving. Those family caregivers typically identify more with feelings of exhaustion, frustration, stress and anxiety. They worry continually about their loved one falling, being left alone, needing more care, and – when they get a minute – about meeting all the other needs of their family, immediate and extended.

Sometimes, it’s not until the caregiving task is over and the caregiver gets some distance (and perspective – and rest) that they can look back and see what a rich, meaningful experience it was to care for a loved one.

Vicki says, “I got to know my father-in-law in a way that was so special. He and I became very close – it was a tremendous gift to me.”

Mary says, “I treasure every single minute I spent with my dad.”

Lorraine says, “I was my mother’s caregiver because she was my mom. It was an honor and a privilege to care for her.”

All three women remember how hard caregiving was. But all three women feel that their lives are richer because of their caregiving work.

This month, I celebrate Vicki, Mary, Lorraine and all the other family caregivers – past, present and future.

Sandwich Gen relationships take odd turns

I had lunch with my mom the other day. She was positively glowing. She’s been talking for several weeks about her new friend; now I’m starting to wonder: when do you ask to meet your mom’s new boyfriend?

What an odd experience it is some days in the middle of the sandwich generation! On the one hand, my three young-adult daughters still need some guidance and support. We have long conversations about finding “Mr. Right,” and I worry about who they are dating.

Is he genuinely interested in her? Does he respect her and treat her well? Is he financially settled or focused?

Thinking about my mom and her new relationship I realize that I have the exact same questions about her new friend.

Of course, this is my mom, not my daughter. I’ve chosen – for now – not to say, “So when do I get to meet this guy?” but to let my mother call the shots. She is an adult, after all. I am her daughter, not her mother (as she’d be the first to remind me).

But all the same, mom, I really think I should meet him sometime soon!