A Thanksgiving Story

Three thanksgivings ago we sat down at the extended table with our extended family and felt so incredibly blessed we could barely speak. My father had survived a small stroke; my husband’s father had survived a heart attack and bypass surgery. We didn’t expect to all be together that year, but we were.

A year later, my father was dead and my mother in the hospital, unable to join us for Thanksgiving dinner. We rushed, somewhat numbly, through dinner, avoiding the traditional recitation of blessings.

This year feels a little like that particular Thanksgiving, on a global scale. It’s hard to find things to be thankful for (if you actually open your investment reports). It can be frightening, as companies and individuals we have long looked up to for leadership are faltering – maybe even failing.

And yet. Today the sun shone through the piles of golden leaves. I walked to work the long way, savoring perhaps the last nice morning of the month, feeling healthy, alive and filled with thanks.

Today, we had a chance to help a whole group of individuals begin their journey to become caregivers and nursing assistants. We connected with business associates who are challenged but persevering; and several who are thriving.

My children are spread out all over the globe; one in India and one in Israel. They’re studying, volunteering, and traveling. They’re excited about their adventures and fully engaged in their work of growing into global citizens.

Our table will be a little lighter this year for Thanksgiving dinner. Our bank accounts and investment portfolios are certainly a lot lighter. But when I count my blessings this year – out loud – the list will be long.

Happy Thanksgiving.

On caregiving - Fall into winter

It’s a beautiful fall day – the sun is shining, the sky is that special kind of transparent blue, and the leaves are already starting to fall. Standing by the kitchen sink this morning, I could see a constant rain of leaves floating down – sort of an odd “sky-is-falling” sensation.

I think today how very lucky I am, heading into this fall with good health, a happy family and work that I love. This isn’t true for every family, however. Just yesterday as I was waiting to see my doctor for an annual check-up, I overheard the man who entered just before me sharing how difficult and stressful his life is right now.

He’s lost his job and worries about losing his home. He’s a little past middle age, making these losses hard to take, and harder to recover from. Clearly, he’s not alone in our society today. Many people are hurting and many people have no idea how they’ll recover.

When we were younger, it was easy to think, “I’ll just get another job.” I’d say to my family, “Money is a renewable resource, so let’s enjoy what we have. We can earn more.”

As I get older the renew-ability of money seems less of a given. I know if I had to change jobs or careers now, it would be much more challenging than it was in my younger days. Individuals who have retired, assuming their pensions were secure and adequate, and now experience rising costs or disappearing pensions face an uncertain and frightening future.

Fall is, inherently, a time of reflection; a time when the bright fresh colors of spring and summer fade and fall away, and the cold slumber of winter begins. Our economic cycle seems to mimic nature, with October being a month of dramatic financial and stock market drops, perhaps preparing us for a winter of less abundant prosperity – this year, at least.

As my team and I work hard to bring more training and resources to the people who struggle to continue to care for their loved ones, I believe, more deeply than ever, that together we can find the joy even in winter. We can, perhaps, cozy up to a warm fire, create new friendships that give us encouragement and laughter, and come out next spring richer for our experiences.

So bring on the winter – we’ll get through together.

What it means to be a family caregiver

A few days ago someone said to me, “My mom is in an assisted living community so I guess I’m not really a caregiver.”

As we talked, the person shared how he visited several times each week; how he interacted with staff on his mom’s behalf; how he took her to doctors’ appointments and other needs.

It didn’t take long to realize that he was, in fact, a caregiver.

This morning I read a story written by a daughter that made me feel incredibly sad. The daughter shared how she was never treated by her mom as a valued daughter and was always compared to her brother, the perfect child.

Now, with her mom elderly, falling, losing her ability to think, remember and reason, she was turning on this daughter who was investing hours of her day, every single day, to helping care for her mom. This daughter was feeling more angry, resentful and hurt with every passing day. She believes her mother’s behavior is intentional and is designed to hurt her – and she’s losing the quality of her own life quickly, as the result.

This daughter is a caregiver, too. She’s a caregiver in desperate need of better understanding of the aging process her mother is experiencing, however. The harder she tries to make her mother happy, the more defeated she feels.

I want to tell this daughter that what she is experiencing is the disease her mother has – not a personal attack. The memory loss, probably related to Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia, is causing her behavior. It may be making what has been a lifelong pattern even more pronounced. It is certainly causing both the mother and the daughter much anguish and distress.

Family caregivers, whether hands’ on or indirect, whether close or across the country, are an invaluable part of the caregiving network in our country.

If we can give them support and the training they need to make it a joyful experience rather than a gut-wrenching experience we’ll be doing exactly what we need to do.

Caregiver Training Resources

Caregiver Christmas gift ideas

National Caregiving Month - reasons to celebrate

The month of November has been proclaimed National Family Caregivers Month by President Bush. According to the proclamation, "National Family Caregivers Month is an opportunity to recognize those who serve a cause greater than self and contribute to the well-being of their loved ones."

As I read that I thought, "That's a great gesture, but will the real caregivers even know about it?" So many family caregivers trudge day to day with too little sleep, too little support, and too much hard, hard work.

In my recent meeting with a group of family caregivers, participants shared how they've come to turn to the internet for answers to many of their perplexing questions.

"Is it really Alzheimer's?"

"What are the side effects of the new medication?"

"How do I keep him safe during the day when I need to run to the store?"

For family caregivers the internet is a resource that they can turn to at 4 am or at 4 pm. They can do quick research while they keep an eye on their loved one at the same time.

My team at aQuire Training Solutions just added another resource for family caregivers: Caregiver Courses available 100% online.

Many family members want to keep providing care but have never been trained. They need to know how to help keep their loved ones joints moving (called range of motion); how to prevent bladder and bowel incontinence; how to keep providing care - and keep their sanity - when disease processes cause challenging behaviors.

These Caregiver Courses offer training in these subjects, and about 20 others. All combined, a caregiver can earn a Caregiver's Certification through this course, a good way to feel a sense of accomplishment while gaining new skills.

But here's the catch: sometimes caregivers are so exhausted from their 24 hours a day work that they miss these handy news releases.

This is the perfect opportunity for friends and family members at a distance to help. Maybe you can't provide the daily care for your loved one because of distance or time constraints, but you CAN help support those that do provide the daily care. With the holidays coming, it's the perfect time to give a caregiver in your life with the gift of support and education.

Let's give all caregivers a reason to celebrate during National Family Caregiving Month!