Gail Sheehy Addresses Caregiver Stress

The Orange County Register's news article about author Gail Sheehy's new book, "Passages in Caregiving: Turning Chaos into Confidence," is right on point regarding caregiver stress. The article quotes Sheehy as saying,

Once the solitary caregiver gets so stressed out emotionally that her own health declines, she can no longer provide the care.  The only option left is to place the family member in a nursing home - the last choice of everybody, the most expensive for taxpayers and guaranteed to leave the caregiver burdened with guilt.

While I'd like to note that there are other options than nursing home (assisted living and in-home care, to name a few top choices), Sheehy is right overall.  When the caregiver is too stressed to continue care, she is often too stressed to work through creative solutions to care or to make the necessary arrangements, all of which are, additionally, stressful and exhausting.

Sheehy stresses the need to caregivers to take good care of themselves and to form a support circle of family or friends.  On these very essential points, I couldn't agree more!

Just one more nudge, too, to family caregivers to get information from whatever source you can to help you provide care is the most effective, efficient and pleasant way possible.  Caregiver training, in whatever form it takes, DOES work!

Three simple steps to optimal caregiving

With all the news about the increasing prevalence of families involved in caregiving activities you know one thing: You’re not alone.

That may not be much help to you at 3am, though!

One of the joys I’ve recently discovered is working with a local hospital’s Alzheimer’s family support group. I was a little concerned that it might feel like a long day at work, but I’ve discovered that it feels more like an evening shared with friends. We brought home-baked goodies, fresh fruit and simply talked about what was on our minds.

I had prepared a program on how to reduce the stress caregivers experience – stress that causes family caregivers to have significantly more illness and shorter life expectancy than their non-caregiving peers.

But the group had other questions, namely “How can I help my loved one best?”

Caregiving is difficult work. Knowing how to do it is even more difficult, especially when you’re feeling isolated, sleep-deprived, exhausted. While tons of caregiver training and support classes are available (including my own at www.caringformom.com) sometimes families just want to talk. They just want it simple, too – nothing too difficult to remember; no need to memorize stages, steps or techniques.

So we broke it down to three key things:


1) Accept. Accept that your loved one is doing the best that he or she can. Today. Right now. Even if he could do it better yesterday. With very few exceptions, people with memory loss ARE doing the best they can.

2) Reassure. Imagine feeling like a strange person in a very strange land. Nothing makes sense anymore – words don’t make sense, nothing is where it seems like it should be, even buttons refuse to cooperate. How would you feel? Angry? Frustrated? Depressed? Lonely? Frightened? A family’s job sometimes is simply to provide the tour-guide reassurance. “It’s OK to be afraid; this is tough stuff. We’ll figure it out together though. I’ll be right here to help if something doesn’t make sense. I’ll try to remember when you forget. I’m here for you.”

3) Maintain best function possible. You can’t turn back the clock. You can’t defeat an irreversible disease process – or conquer aging, for that matter. You can work to keep your loved one at his optimal level of functioning by making sure some basics are met:

1. Nutritional needs. Live alone and start forgetting – nutritional impairment is right behind. Assuring that your loved one gets good, nutritionally balanced meals is key to optimal functioning.
2. Medication. Most of us, even with good healthy memories, forget if we took that last pill. For elders, medication mis-management can result in frequent hospitalizations, with a little more slipping every time. Electronic reminders are available if the people-reminders aren’t!
3. Exercise. Moving the blood through the body moves the blood through the brain, too. Walking or even chair movement can keep the person as alert and functional as possible. Sedentary days, evenings and nights can cause a rapid decline in all functioning.
4. Social interaction. We’ve probably always know this, but lately we seem to have lost our connections. We humans are social creatures. We were made to live in close tribes – then neighborhoods – then families. We supported each other, but we also spent hours discussing the world events and arguing about Joe down the street. Today, we disconnect and sit in front of the TV and wonder why our minds fade, and we start to lose our will to live. We know now that staying socially engaged keeps us mentally engaged – and that keeps us vital and alive to the end.

These basic tips might be challenging to implement, but they’re essential to the well-being of the elder – and the caregiver.

They’re not impossible, but while you’re thinking how to best implement these with your loved one, you might just want to take a walk. It’s one of the best stress-relievers you’ll find, and it’s free!

Caregiver Stress

You recognize the feelings of fatigue and not having enough time for yourself. You might even realize that you’re a little more short-tempered than usual, and you don’t have the usual bounce-back ability when things go wrong.

But do you really know how the stress of being a family caregiver is affecting your body and your life?

Researchers recently reported on a newly discovered physical impact of the stress of caring for a spouse with Alzheimer’s disease in the June 8, 2010 issue of the Journal of the American College of Cardiology.

What the researchers found was a direct relationship between how impaired the person dementia rated and the level of flow-mediated dilation (FMD). While this sounds mysteriously complicated, in simple terms, the more impaired your FMD is, the higher your risk for cardiovascular events like a heart attack or stroke.

It’s not surprising to me that individuals who are caring for higher demand loved ones suffer physical problems at a higher rate.

We’ve known for a long time, in fact, that these special caregivers suffer more sickness and a higher rate of death than their peers who are not caregivers.

But for the average caregiver, they’re just doing what they have to do, without realization of the stress it may be causing their bodies.

How do you know if you’re too stressed? Ask yourself these questions:

Do you feel like you’ve lost your energy or enthusiasm for life?

Do you feel tired or exhausted much of the time?

Do you feel out of control and sometimes show emotions that aren’t normal for you?

Do you feel nervous, anxious or tense much of the time?

Do you feel like you’re becoming isolated from your friends and family members?

Do you have sleep problems – getting to sleep, staying asleep, waking up too early? Do you feel like you need to sleep all the time?

Do you have problems concentrating or remembering things?

Are you experiencing more illnesses than usual for you? Colds, upset stomach, headaches? Is your blood pressure higher than it should be?

Even one or two YES answers indicate that your work as a caregiver is causing you stress.

What can you do?

Start by taking stock of the things that most challenge you in your caregiving work. Then start looking for resources to help you with those challenges.

These resources may be family members – tell them what you need. Don’t wait for them to volunteer their help.

It’s also time to call in the paid helpers. Perhaps some in-home care will relieve you enough to regain your health and your sanity.

Perhaps it’s time to look at an assisted living community or other level of facility care.

Ask around in your community for other programs and services that might work in your unique situation.

Here’s the bottom line: as a caregiver, if you don’t take care of yourself FIRST you won’t be around to care for your loved one. It’s a simple fact.

Did you know that one sure way to reduce caregiver stress is to learn tips and techniques to make your caregiving work easier? Check out a caregiver training course in your community today or go online to learn more from www.caringformom.com.